All to Jesus I surrender

Good evening everyone :)
Our Father has been teaching me a lot about trust as of late. I had no idea the lengths He was gonna push me to, but I trust that He is faithful and will not give us, His kids, more than we can handle. Trusting our God is incredible, cause we can pour all that we are into His almighty hands without holding back and He just holds us closer. It can also be a challenge as things in life spin out of control and we sit confused and dazed trying to figure out what just happened.
So... I figured this was probably the best way to tell you all the events of the last few weeks. (A little off note but, I apologize I have not been answering my phone much since this all happened.) Nearly a month ago, as most of you probably already know, I began to suffer from incredible migraines. I have been healthy as a kumquat since the day I was born but these headaches made me wilt on the couch for two weeks. I visited drs, each who said that I had tension headaches and I just needed to tough it out, with the help of pain meds. At the 2.5 week mark after I had been puking for a few days, I finally went to a final dr who became very interested in my curious condition: body in good condition but head = all screwed up. He sent me to an eye dr and to an MRI the same day to get to the bottom of it all. At the MRI I discovered I had a mass the size of baseball in the left frontal lobe of my brain.
In a little shock we returned to Palouse to tell the news, then I was driven to the hospital where Em and I were flown that night to Harborview in Seattle. I spent 2 nights in the ICU as I was carefully watched and tested for a crazy number parasites, diseases, etc that I may have had due to all my traveling. No answers were found and I ended up moving to UW Medical Center. I spent the rest of the week at UW visited by so many of my most amazing friends and family as well as two teams of drs who were still trying to figure things out.
It all came down to six hours of surgery last Sunday as the tumor was mostly removed and my head was resealed. By the grace of our Father I have been healing rapidly (not pretty at all but well :) I was released from the hospital this past Tuesday afternoon and Em and I moved up to my Grandma's house for a couple days to continue healing. Still no answered questions as to what had been in my head.
Yesterday I returned to the hospital for answers. I visited with the dr who had performed my surgery and he informed me that after lots of biopsy analysis it had been determined that my tumor had been and still is a glioblastoma/astroblastoma. These are the cells that in simple terms are the non-neuronal glue that allow your brain maintain homeostasis. Perfectly natural and fearfully and wonderfully made, mine had kinda freaked out. The tumor has probably been there for several years but last month when the headaches began the tumor had begun to bleed.
So, what does this all mean? the tumor I have is rather rare, few people in the US get them, and those that do are usually men 50+ in years. The tumor is rated from 1 to 4, 1 and 2 are benign and 3 and 4 are malignant, I had all four stages, with a good portion being number 4. Needless to say I was not too thrilled to hear that I have cancer. Later I spoke with a radiologist who gave me the stats and options I have before me. Trying to be an optimist, it does not look too pretty. Thankfully they do not have to open my head again and remove more, but it will require aggressive radiation and chemotherapy that will Lord willing begin as asap. Again His will be done, we pray that this treatment will lengthen my life, cause without it I will completely lose my higher brain function.
Here we now stand. Before our faithful Father, in whom I and we MUST trust. Without Him we have nothing and life is truly not worth living. He has said He will not give us more than we can handle, gotta take Him at His word. He has never let us down and I know He never will. He is our refuge and our strength, our ever present help in trouble. Ill admit Im currently dazed and confused, but He is our Rock.
Immediate future...His will be done again, but its looking like I will be receiving 6 weeks of radiation (5 days a week) at UW Medical cause they treat about 300 people a year with my kind of cancer, more than anyone else in WA. Then I will be receiving 6 months to 2 years of chemotherapy. The drs want to begin as soon as possible just to give me more of a chance, but my head must heal first. We will probably begin at the beginning of Marchish.
Ill keep you all posted at to what is going on. This is the biggest hurdle I and our family have ever come across, but with His strength we can do this. Thank you all sooooooooooooo much for your prayers thus far! He is good in all this. God bless!
In Him, Alana

Una Semana de milagros

By the grace of God I spent Mid August in Vicente Guererro, Baja California Mexico, fulfilling a dream. Over the past 5 years God has shown me over and over that He does make dreams come true. He is truly awesome and Holy and I am greatly humbled that He would allow my dreams to align with His.
I was able to serve along side 8 of my best friends at an orphanage, doing a variety of things, desiring to bless but God blessed more than we ever would have imagined. There is so much more to this life than striving after material items, "higher academic education," seeking adventure... The joy of a daily walk with Christ, no matter what the world thinks is what it is all about. Community, fellowship, servant heart all wrapped up with the love of Christ, who is our foundation, our reason and our hope.
I was humbled and challenged by the people I met who had given everything up to come and serve the orphans, giving them the skills and the ability to dream, and most importantly hope in Jesus. I was again humbled and challenged (and perhaps to a deeper level) by talking with and watching some of the Believing Mexican migrant workers. Many of them had literally nothing, and spent their lives traveling from camp to camp with the seasons harvesting fruits and vegetables; but as one elderly gentleman told me, he may have little material possessions but he has everything in the Lord Jesus his "Pan de vida" or " Bread of life." As he spoke at the soup kitchen, where he and his wife had come to get some food for the day, he had such joy on his face, a peace, his eyes were set on things above and his treasure was not here on earth. How often do we, who have nearly everything we could possibly ask for and certainly everything we need, complain and whine. Where does our joy come from? In whom have we placed our faith? Where does our hope lie? Where is our treasure? If all was stripped away where do we stand? On Jesus? Id like to say that is always true for me, but I would be lying. But He gives us more grace (James 4)
During the week we had the opportunity to go visit 2 migrant worker camps and play with the kids. These people live in very poor, unsanitary conditions, in corrugated metal "huts", with many people and critters. But the kids are such joys, hundreds of smiles, piggy back rides, dancing, swinging, races, hugs. We had the opportunity the play with the kids (Im so thankful that I and several others in our group could speak Spanish!) then some of the leaders from the orphanage showed cartoon Bible story on the side of a van then spoke to the people about Jesus and His love and we were all able to go pray with the people who asked for prayer. This made for some amazing evenings. We also got to go help with weekly Bible clubs in the neighborhoods (barrios) and again hang out with the kids as local Believing women taught the kids about Jesus. We got to serve the kids milk and peanut butter (calcium and protein) as many of them do not get proper nutrition.
I thank our Father for the most amazing week, He saturated all circumstances, moments and events. The simple faith of a child...the joy in the orphans eyes and faces, they had lost nearly every thing but they, again, had everything in Jesus

Hawai'i and two of my best buddies (one of whom I may be related to...:)

Yet another adventure resulting in tales of wonder and excitement (yes Emi, twas Chris that said it first). Crazy hikes, swimming under waterfalls, snorkeling, birdies, purple mashed potatoes, volcanoes, wild horses, green, black and white beaches, tiny frogs, prehistoric ferns, fast cars and general amazingness.
Last week Dani and I returned from visiting Emi on the lovely Island of Hawai'i. We spent 3 days exploring the island in our rented convertible mustang, sweet ride I must say but rather expensive since none of us are 25 yet, yet again, it was totally worth it :) We drove the circumference of the island in 6 hours (and thats the biggest island!). We "hiked" over boulders, through rivers, bamboo forests, and general jungle to a 1600 foot waterfall, under which we swam, pretty much amazing. I highly recommend Volcano National Park, though it is generally too foggy to see the lava. Emi works with some of the most darling and vocal birds, it makes me happy to see her happy :) We highly enjoyed climbing trees, and not just any trees, Banyon trees (look them up, so amazing) and Dani got to go tree climbing for the first time! Simple pleasures of catching tiny frogs in puddles around a waterfall, playing with hermit crabs on the beach, making dinners together, searching for lava flows, rubber duckies, etc.
Yup, thank you Lord for the blessing of a much needed vacation and such good friends!
Two more days and (Lord willing) we are off to Baja California, Mexico!

Small

So small, so delicate, they hop from branch to twig, taking flight when ever they wish. Singing-

They chirp a happy sound, joy, joy to their Creator, they praise. To Him they live or die, in Him they trust. Trust-

Why worry when He is God? Why fret when He holds these little ones in His hands? Are we not greater than they?

So small, so delicate, they may live their lives in a tree, on a plant, on a flower, underwater, on the fly. A pest? He provides for them. He created their tiny beings for a purpose, for a reason. They go about their day with meaning, with purpose, short though they live, with purpose-

Doesn't He love us more than they? Love-

So small, so tall, vibrant green, they cover the earth. Beautiful intricacy, they grow, they thrive. Each one reaches for the sky, leans toward the sun. They gaze heavenward, seeking His light. Shouldn't we do the same?

Creation proclaims His glory, His majesty, His Love-
Listen, learn-

Hebrews 11

So in ponderance (yes, that is a word in my world) of faith, aliens and strangers in this world, what "home" really is and what it really means to "give it all up" I realized a few random things.
Enoch walked with God, apparently he didnt just live/exist, and I can simply deduce that he lived by faith, just as Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Paul, and a few others. Live by faith? Taking each step in light of the fact that God holds the floor beneath your feet and not being able to truly see an inch in front of you; guided by His almighty hand. "Oh Lord you have searched me and you know me, you know when I sit and when I rise, you percieve my thoughts from afar. You decern my going out and lying down, you are familiar with all my ways. You hem me in behind and before, you have laid your hand upon me...all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be..." Psalm 139. So, he knows "descerns" our every move and holds our future since He has known it since before the world began.
This world is not our home. We are called to be strangers. The Christian walk never seems to be "cooshy" as the world would look at it, and if we settle down too much or get too comfy, could that be wrong? Are we to live willing to move or act at the the drop of a hat if God asks us to? Whether it be small or big, shouldnt we be willing to do whatever He asks? Not that God needs our help or anything, but I would like to be part of what He is doing, dont you? Like a father doesnt need the help of his small child but he (with pleasure) takes the childs willingness and lets him/her be part of what he is doing (I have an incredible earthly father who was and still is a marvelous example of this).
So back to where I started, walking with God. Fellowship with Him, time, stillness, learning, growing, loving. What did Joseph do? Abraham? Noah? Enoch? David? Yeah they all messed up just like we do, but they acknowleded it, accepted His forgiveness and moved on to seek Him even harder; walking with God. We trip, make a mess, God picks us up, cleans us off and lovingly says "try again". Holiness can only be attainded through accepting what Jesus has done for us, not by what we do, for we only seem to mar the beauty of what he has given us and yet He loves us... Hmmmmmm
Random I know, a smattering of thoughts from a tuckered out sunburnt girl who knows she is loved with an everlasting love that she will never understand...

Palouse Falls

This past weekend, Hannah, Emi and I went "camping" (in the back of my pick-up) at Palouse Falls, one of the many beautiful proclamations of God's glory in Washington State. We slept under the stars, woke up to a dawn chorus of birds singing (couldnt have been more beautiful) then we hiked all around the falls on the surrounding cliffs. What a day!

Freedom

So, the other morning God popped this into my head, some thing to ponder...

Picture a little Indian girl, thin, dirty and about 8 years of age, she is sitting against an old brick wall with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her head is downcast and she refuses to look up. A big, strong, rough hand appears in the corner of the picture and deep gentle voice asks her to take His hand, the hand of the Father. She shakes her head and refuses to look up or stand, ashamed of all that she has done. The Father says, I know all that you have done; the child begins to remember the times she had stolen things, lied, hurt, etc. and cowers further. He goes on, I died so that you don’t have to remain in you sin/filth, I offer you freedom and grace in exchange for all you have done. The child still remains on the ground, wanting to look up in the eyes of the Father and run into His arms but in her stubbornness she remains on the ground. The Father gets tears in His eyes and says “my child, I love you… come to me, you are tired. Let me heal you, let me set you free.”

How often are we like this child? Realizing that we are wretches, fallen, selfish creatures, we sit in our guilt wanting to better ourselves, but forgiveness seems too easy, we desire to work. The Father stands there, arms open wide, His eyes full of love and His heart is full of forgiveness.

Get up, run.

Grace is free, be free, it is for freedom that He has set us free.